You’ve probably heard the old (and new) saying, “Happy wife, happy life.” What it means is that if your wife is happy, your life will be a lot happier. There’s another old saying that’s similar, and it goes “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Basically, it’s the same thing. An unhappy partner can make everyone’s life miserable, and by the same token, if someone is happy, they spread that joy around a little, if we’re lucky. However, the worst thing you can do is tell a woman to shut up. See, women are smart and we don’t like to be treated disrespectfully, so if someone is going to be trying to shush us, it’s bound to backfire. That’s exactly what happens in the joke below when a man tries to wiggle his way out of a few tickets from a police officer. Enjoy!
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
“Only when he’s been drinking.”
