When my kids were growing up, I delighted in telling them dumb jokes to make them groan (and half the time they’d be laughing through their groans). These are usually known as “Dad jokes” but I was a single mom, so they got a double-dose: bad jokes at their dad’s house and bad jokes with me. One of the challenges when it comes to finding jokes is finding some good G-Rated jokes or jokes that can be told to kids of all ages, your parents, or even your preacher, for that matter. It’s not easy. However, some of the best jokes are clean jokes because they’re timeless. For example, every generation gets to be subjected to “Why did the chicken cross the road?” (to get to the other side). The long list of clean jokes below will have you laughing and will give you plenty of jokes to tell your kids.
1. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible.
2. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
3. What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
4. Two drums and a cymbal fall out of a tree. *Ba-dum tssss *
5. Why don’t blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.
6. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
7. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
8. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”
9. The buddhist pulls out a gun. “Whoa,” the vendor exclaims. “I thought you guys were about inner peace!”
The buddhist replies, “This is my inner piece.”
10. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
11. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
12. A termite walks into the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
13. What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize.
14. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey. And it sucks.
15. A Freudian Slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
16. What happened when the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint crashed into an island?
The sailors were marooned.
17. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn’t spread it.
18. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
