As a single parent, we would do anything that we could to make sure that our children are well cared for. We realize that having a mom and a dad as a loving partnership is always going to be the best option, but we do what we can and we are often successful.
That doesn’t mean that there are going to be problems and at times, we may find that we are falling short of the mark. It can either be our fault or perhaps it could be the fault of the other individual who isn’t always in the scene.
Representative Picture
That is what one mother experienced and now she is going online to find out if she is in the right or in the wrong. Her ex had walked out on her and the baby after she gave birth, but now he has shared custody and wants to be back in their lives. He also wants her to change schools, which is where the problem lies.
She wrote:
I (f28) had my daughter (f9) when I was quite young. Her father (m33) bailed and I didn’t have any family to support me so the first few years were tough. I ended up taking an extra two years to graduate college and I had to put my career goals/ambitions on hold. Now, I don’t regret any of this and I love my daughter, but I wasn’t able to give her the life I wanted her to have in the first few years.
Through some miracle or luck, I was able to get her into an amazing private school in our city with almost full coverage financial aid. While there were some out of pocket costs + after school care costs, I wanted to set my daughter up for success and saw this as a way to do so. She has been at this school her whole school life and absolutely loves it.
Last year, her father moved to the city we live in and reached out. He said he wanted to be a part of her life and didn’t want to miss out on any more moments. We initially tried to handle things together without the courts, but he was unhappy about the slow progress and decided to take me to court for visitation. He asked for 50/50 custody and was awarded it, but now has to pay child support including school tuition which has lead to this issue. He initially agreed to pay for private education in court.
Representative Picture
Because her father makes a great salary, our financial aid is no longer eligible and are now only a fraction of what we previously had. This was taken into consideration during our custody case and her father now has to pay 70% of the yearly tuition, based on our income ratio and other factors.
This worked out for a while until last month, when he reached out and brought up enrolling her into the public school system. I asked why and he told me that since we were both parents we both get a say in making decisions for her. He claims that since I made the decision to enrol her before he was around, now that he was involved it should be re-evaluated together ‘parent to parent’.
I told him that with all the changes she’s experiences this past year, keeping this one constant in her life is only beneficial and supported by her therapist and other support systems. I told him if he was unhappy with the arrangement, he could take it up with the courts but I wasn’t going to do it ‘parent to parent’. He called me difficult but when I asked if it was for financial reasons, he said no and it was about making decisions together. He chose to not pursue it in court but when she got back from her fathers last week, she was on the verge of tears and asked me if she would have to move schools. AITA for sending my daughter to a private school even though her father doesn’t wants me too?
Edit: My state (according to google so will have to confirm with a professional) doesn’t offer back child support, but only unpaid child support from when it was first established.
