Spending time with grandparents is one of the greatest joy for children. Typically, the grandparents, especially grandmothers, spoil the grandchildren rotten. Good-natured jokes by parents about their children returning home from a visit with grandmother spoiled are as old as time. It’s just something in a grandparent’s nature, I think. I don’t have grandchildren yet, but I think I’ll feel as many grandparents seem to think about spending time with their grandchildren. I had to be strict and more rigid with my own children, and it will be nice and gratifying to simply be a loving grandparent. Also, very few children have grown up rotten because they were spoiled when they visited grandma.
However, there are some grandparents who seem to do things differently. A woman recently sent a letter to the “Ask Amy Column” with the subject line “Burned by Grandma.” In the letter, a mom explains that she sent her child to the little girl’s grandmother for a visit and included $300 so that the grandmother, the woman’s mom, wouldn’t have to come out of pocket for expenses incurred during the visit. By the mom’s way of thinking, $300 was a generous amount and should have covered any expenses for activities. However, to the woman’s shock, the grandmother viewed things differently. When the little girl returned home, she came with a bill of $475.50 for additional expenses.
“Upon my daughter’s return, my mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses, including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her (45 minutes away), train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission.”
damialdetafuentes, Pixabay
The little girl’s mother was shocked and angry, not to mention hurt over her mother’s audacity. She said that because of this incident, she was even considering severing the relationship with her mother and not allowing her little girl to spend time with the little girl’s grandmother. In addition to this, the little girl’s mom shared that the grandmother had lived with the family for four months, and during the time, the little girl’s parents paid all of the grandmother’s expenses, including a fancy vacation. Had she been too generous, she wondered? Was her mother taking advantage of her? As it turns out, the grandmother is a single woman who is a retired college professor, so she likely isn’t destitute, but who can say? The little girl’s mom isn’t clear about the financial security of her mother.
“Ask Amy” said that there’s a different way of looking at this. She suggested that the woman address her concerns with the little girl’s grandmother directly. Amy also wondered if the grandmother is financially secure and perhaps worried about her retirement lifestyle, which are legitimate concerns. Amy also wondered if the grandmother was being passive-aggressive for some reason. Perhaps she doesn’t like extended visits with the grandchild.
“Because your mother seems to communicate through monetizing relationships, you’ll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster.”
When I visited with my grandmother as a child, I have no recollection of ever taking money with me for a visit. My grandmother was very poor, and she lived in a rural area, so there were no activities that cost money. We played in the house or out in the yard, and trips to town were only for Grandma to get her hair done while we sat patiently reading a book. Any activity costing money was unthinkable. I mean, literally, it never crossed our minds. With that said, my own parents are more financially comfortable. When my children were little, it was rare for me to send any money with them when they visited their grandparents. Had I done do, my children would have probably returned home with the money still in their pockets. My parents always covered any expenses. I can’t imagine them sending me a bill for things like gas used when picking my child up from the airport.
LoriKelso, Pixabay
Every family is different. The lady in this story has a more complicated relationship with her mother than I had, and clearly, this grandmother sees things differently than most grandmothers do. No doubt, the grandmother loves the little girl, and I hope the mom in this story doesn’t deprive her child of her time with grandma. Maybe she should just set a budget before the visit and make it clear that they can’t go over the budget.
Featured image: ecoffie, via Pixabay
