Will the communication problems between the men and women ever cease? Not likely. The fact is, there was a book published several years ago titled “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” The premise of the book is that men and women are so different that they almost speak two separate languages. And sometimes that seems to be true. It’s not that one is superior to the other. It’s more of a situation in which you have to learn to balance out each other’s strengths. Another relationship book better explains how to communicate well with your significant other. It’s called “The Five Love Languages.” My love language is “Acts of Service,” which means that I feel loved when my husband does things for me that take a little stress off of me. Doing the dishes, for example. Act of service. My husband’s love language is “Physical Touch.” He says that’s true for most men. I don’t know. But I know that the guy in the joke below definitely knows his love languages, and his girlfriend knows hers (“Gifts”). I don’t know if they’ll ever get it together since neither seems to be trying very hard, but this joke is hilarious anyway. Enjoy!
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, ‘I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’
I said, ‘WHAT??!! What was that?!’
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
‘You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.’
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, ‘Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?’
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said, ‘Let’s get a pair for each outfit.’
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, ‘That’s fine, honey.’ She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, ‘I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.’
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘No honey, I don’t feel like it.’
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, ‘WHAT?’
I then said, ‘Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.’
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, ‘Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?’
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight.
