We have many conveniences in life and one of them that is not often considered until we need it is the 911 service. When we use that service, it is our hope that they will get help to us as quickly as possible. We may call them in order to report a medical emergency, to get help from the police or perhaps even to report a fire. It may even leave you wondering, what would dogs do if they had their own 911 call center? You are about to find out, thanks to some creative Reddit users that put their minds together and came up with some brilliant options for dogs.
1/22. “MY HUMAN DOESN’T POOP but he collects my poop in a bag! Help him please! I can’t poop enough for us both! I am worried
-KlaymondreMcCurrant
2/22. Dog: hello – I’d like to report missing humans.
Doggy 911: how long have they been missing?
Dog: somewhere between 5 minutes and 2 years, I don’t really know, I have no sense of time.
Doggy 911: ok sir, what you’ll need to do is run around and panic and bark, then continually scratch at the door until you’ve created a hole for you to escape your inevitable death and find your humans.
Dog: got it thanks!
-ledbetter7754
3/22. “Help! There’s someone in the house and they keep doing the exact same things I’m doing, but reversed! They also look just like me!
-TheBreastIncarnate
4/22. “SOMEBODY PARKED MY NEIGHBOR’S CAR AT MY NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE!!!!!!!! AND NOW THEY’RE GOING INTO MY NEIGHBORS HOUSE!!!!!!”
-TooGoodForSauce
5/22. 911: “What’s your emergency?”
Dog: “I’ve been abandoned. I can’t leave the building to get help.”
911: ” Okay, just relax. How long have you been left alone?”
Dog: “Since the dawn of time.”
911: “Do you have enough food and water to survive until the dog-police arrive?”
Dog: “My food dish is full and the drinking fountain is working perfectly.”
911: “So no food or water at all?”
Dog: “Literally nothing.
-FlexGunship
6/22. “I’m being followed by my tail! I caught my tail! … Someone is biting me!”
-pinko_zinko
7/22. K911: K-911 what is your emergency?
CORGI: MY HUMAN IS IN THE POOL THERE IS SO MUCH SPLASHING OH GOD THEY’RE DYING WHY WON’T THEY GET OUT?!?!
K911: DEAR DOG, WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! (stressed out panting sounds) Have you tried barking at them?
CORGI: I BARKED AT THEM AND BIT THE WATER BUT THEY WON’T GET OUT!
K911: Run around the pool until your paws bleed!
CORGI: I WILL DO THAT NOW!
K911: Are they getting out?
CORGI: OMG YES THEY ARE! YOU ARE MY HERO!
K911: All in a days work!
-EpitomyofShyness
8/22. Dog 911: Hello, what is your emergency?
Dog: My owner threw the ball but I didn’t see where it went and now I can’t find it.
Dog 911: Did you try looking in his hand?
Dog: Of course I looked in his h….. aww goddamnit.
-drysart
9/22. They’d be like a bitter retiree.
“Yes, 911? Some neighbor’s kids keep walking by, I’m convinced they’re here to harm me or my property
-PulpFictionSnazzy
10/22. Dog 911: What’s your emergency
Dog: There’s people outside my house!
Dog 911: Mam, calm down, are they trying to get in?
Dog: No, but they’re outside my house!
Dog 911: Are they on your property?
Dog: No, but I can see them! How are you not as upset as I am?
-Buwaro
11/22. This guy comes to our house every day during the week. Always around 10am. He puts something in the front door, then walks away. I think I’m being stalked.
-NextSoulTaken
12/26. “I threw my rawhide stick is under the couch again and my human won’t listen to me whining for them to get it for the 1,000th time this afternoon! This is truly an emergency because I need it RIGHT NOW so I can do it again in 30 seconds.” – My Dog
-j_collins
13/22. My dog needs a suicide hotline. Omg curtains are moving! It’s going to kill me! My dad left! Even though mom is here I’m going to cry anyway! My mom left! Even though dad is here I’m going to cry anyway! My uncle left! Even though mom and dad are here I’m going to cry anyway! A stranger approached me! They wanted to kill me! A water bottle fell! It wants me dead! A cat smacked me! It wants me dead! I farted and it scared me! I’m going to die! The blanket moved! It wants to kill me! My leash isn’t in its correct spot! Its haunted! I need constant attention otherwise I sink into a depression and stare forlornly! The leaves shook in a tree! They’re going to kill me! Something moved! Its going to kill me!
My pup has severe anxiety. She came from a severely abusive home but she’s still freaked about everything and terrified of new people. Especially big men with beards (like her last owner).
-DeadDollKitty
14/22. Operator: 911 What is your emergency?
Dog: OK SO MY HUMAN MOM IS ENTERING OUR HOME AND THERE IS A STRANGE HUMAN MALE FOLLOWING HER IN. OH MY GOD, I DONT KNOW THIS HUMAN.
Operator: Ok try and calm down Sir. Can you tell me what he looks like?
Dog: YEAH, WELL HES TALL LIKE MY DAD…HE SMELLS LIKE MY DAD…HES WEARING MY DADS CLOTHING….OH! HE’S TAKING HIS HAT OFF what…wait, huh? …Oh, haha it’s just my dad, totally didn’t recognize him with that hat on. Thought he was a murderer.
-xenopanties88
15/22. 911: What’s the problem?
Doggo: My owner is being nice to a cat!
911: We will send out K9 units immediately.
-UltimateDracoMeteor
16/22. My dog calling K911: God I wanted to kill whatever is at the wallportal so I was telling it to leave before it got hurt but my human kept yelling at me to stop yelling but I couldn’t because I need to protect human. Now human has shut me in a box with a weird metal magic thing that opens the wall. It’s dark… I-I’m scared I was a Bad Boy…
[whimpers]
JUST TELL ME I’M A GOOD BOY. TELL ME MY HUMAN IS SAFE. PLEASE SEND SOME DOG… ANY DOG…
-Macblunts
17/22. My chihuahua: 911? I have to poop but it’s raining outside!! What should I do???
911: Calm down, ma’am. Have you tried taking a crap in the hallway where your human’s roommates walk around always?
My chihuahua: That’s BRILLIANT! I’m squatting now.
-FuriousNik
18/22. K911: Hello, what is your emergency?
Dog: My sister is sitting where I want to sit.
K911: Did you try whining at her?
Dog: Yeah, but it didn’t work. She’s pretending to sleep.
K911: Sit on her head.
Dog: Perfect. Doing that now.
K911: Did that work?
Dog: Yes…she moved to the other side of the couch…
K911: Anything else I can do for you tonight?
Dog: Now I want to sit where she’s sitting again.
K911: Just keep whining and sitting on her head until your human intervenes.
Dog: Sounds like a plan.
K911: Glad to be of assistance.
-ibattletherous
19/22. “911 Whats your emergency?”
“Yes! There is a strange man who comes up to the mailbox every day and I believe is a threat to my owners house!”
“OK!!! REMAIN CALM!!!! IF YOU CAN BARK, BARK AT HIM AND YOU WILL SCARE HIM!”
“I AM! HES FILLING OUR MAILBOX!!!”
“BARK LOUDER!!!”
“I AM!! I AM I- ok he’s leaving now”
“He is? Whew ok good. We’ll send our best detective out to investigate. Make sure to bark at him through the window to get his attention. He will be taking his owner out for a walk at 8 AM like he does every morning
-drewisawesome14
20/22. K911: What’s your emergency?
Dog: A big truck is taking masters best smelling garbage away!
K911: Did you try barking at them?
Dog: Yes but it didn’t work
K911: Can you get to a saferoom with a flushable magic bowl?
-richardec
21/22. 911: Emergency Woof Line, what’s your emergency?
DOG: That razor meow dog stole my bed!
911: Did you give it ‘the eyes’?
DOG: Yessir! It just went to sleep!
911: Okay, good. As long as it’s not trying to murderkill you. Can you squeeze in beside it?
DOG: I don’t know. I’ll…. try…. careful… okay… little bit mo-OWOWOWOW!!! No, it scratched me!
911: Are you able to sleep on the couch?
DOG: No, hooman man says no! Am I going to die?
911: Don’t worry sir, we’ll get you through this. Is there anywhere else to sleep?
DOG: Razor meow dog has a tiny little small bed.
911: Okay, try that. Just be careful. Don’t make any noise. If the razor dog wakes up, run!
DOG: Okay. I’ll sneak over there. Just need to scootch along the wall… I think it’s working.
-fastjeff
22/22. My Two Dogs:
Dog #1: Yes hello officer my owner has gone into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
Dog #2: (In background) FORGET ABOUT THAT!!! THERES HORSES ON TV – WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Dog #1: Sorry officer, I just want to make sure I am being 100% clear here – the door is shut and I am in fact not in the room. She’s been in there for at least 30 seconds now. Maybe longer.
Dog #2: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THERES A BEAR ON THE SCREEN NOW!!! A BEAR!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE!?! IM BARKING AND THEY ARENT BACKING OFF – COME HELP ME PROTECT THIS HOUSE!!!
Dog #1: Just ignore him. The real problem here is that I already tried to barge into it with my head to see if it’s really closed and have now made multiple pawing sounds at the door. It’s been maybe a minute since she’s been in there – something is wrong. I know she wants me in every room with her.
Dog #2: NOW THE HORSES AND THE BEAR ARE ON THE SAME SCREEN!!!!! IM TELLING YOU THEY’RE REALLY GOING TO COME OUT OF THERE THIS TIME!!!
-BMR9260
