We live in a world where we must make decisions and sometimes, they are not the easiest to make. After all, we may have something come up that we would never expect to have to deal with in life.
When we have one of those decisions, we can either make it on our own or we can do what one woman did, and go on Reddit to share the problem and get some comments from others. It’s normal for people to do this these days but what she had to go through was anything but normal.
It seems as if she had lost her husband two years ago when he died. It left her and her two children behind but now she is in a new relationship. So far, that is perfectly normal but when the boyfriend proposed, he had something unusual to ask.
It seems as if he wanted the mother and her children to stop visiting the father’s grave. You can read more about what she had to say below:
I (31F) lost my ex husband two years ago. We were married for five years before he passed away due to cancer. He has given me two beautiful kids – twins – both six years (M).
After his passing, initially, I used to visit his grave every week and I used to sit there with my sons, bring him flowers, my kids would often make cards. But then it became a monthly routine – the kids would get excited visiting “daddy”. I have already had that talk with my kids (about their father passing, about why they don’t see him around).
I met John* name changed (36M) last year. I wasn’t looking forward to dating anyone, honestly, but he made me feel safe, gave me the space to grieve about my ex and he was great with the kids.
He proposed to me two weeks ago. I was overjoyed and so were the kids (they love him so much). Yesterday, the kids and I were going out to visit my ex’s grave as we do every month. My fiance seemed like he was upset about it but didn’t say anything when we were leaving. I asked him if he wanted to come and he said no.
Cut to yest evening, when we were having dinner and the kids were talking about how they told their ‘daddy’ about John. He again seemed upset and changed the topic. When we were going to bed, I asked him again.
He said that he was “the kids’ dad now” and he feels left out when we go to my ex’s grave. I told him that he can come along, even pointed out that I did ask him if he wanted to that day. I have also asked him if he wanted to previously.
He said I’m creating an unhealthy attachment for the kids with someone who’s not even there and I have an unhealthy attachment to my ex husband. I told him that he knew what he was getting into and this wasn’t an ‘unhealthy attachment’ – the kids deserve to know who their father was. And just because he’s their father doesn’t mean that John can’t be theirs too – it’s not a competition and he shouldn’t treat it that way.
He slept on the couch on his own accord yest night and hasn’t spoken to me since.
AITA for bringing my kids along to their late father’s grave? I feel like I might be TA for making my fiance feel excluded. And he might be TA for making this a competition between him and my ex.
Edit: I’m sorry for causing any confusion by calling him my ‘ex husband’. We were married until he passed away. I meant my ‘late husband’.
Edit 2: I am overwhelmed by everyone’s responses and I’m reading all of them. Sorry if it takes time to reply – I really want to thank everyone for opening my eyes to this situation. A lot of you guys suggested that this is a sign of abuse and I honestly didn’t know that before. It’s been overwhelming to come to this realisation but I’m glad I know this NOW before we got married.