For those who’ve never had the “pleasure” of working at a grocery store, it can be quite an adventure. I remember being a buggy grabber at our local Winn Dixie when I was a teen. Once on my “day off,” I got a call at six in the morning from the general manager informing me that there are “buggies in the parking lot.” Yeah, I can honestly say it wasn’t my favorite gig, but I did get to meet some interesting characters. Now, that isn’t to say that working for a grocery store can’t be fun, in fact, the guy in this fictional joke had a blast his first week working for Target.
Day 1 of working at Target:
-Sold lingerie to an eighty-year-old woman.
-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair.
-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen-year-old girl who was cringing the entire time.
-Watched two women get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.
-Had a very engaging conversation with a three-year-old boy about colors. We both like blue.
-Got a free salted caramel Frappuccino from a barista named Parker. Win!
-Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact
-Got a second free Starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.
-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.
-Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his card without a word.
-He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.
-A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me.
-Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.
-Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart.
-Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.
-Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.
