I think that most of us probably give people the benefit of the doubt. We all realize that not everybody is playing on the same level as far as their intelligence is concerned but it’s always a good idea to think positive rather than to think negative about those who are around us. At the same time, however, we sometimes run into people that make us wonder how the human race ever survived this long. They may say or do something that really takes us off guard, and we may laugh about it for years. The following 29 stupid things that people did were compiled. We can’t guess that all of them are true but we can tell you that they are just what you would expect to hear.
1. A girl I know got a nose job. When I complimented her on her new look she said… “I didn’t do it for me, I didn’t want my kids to be born with big noses.”
2. “It’s really dangerous to take only half an ecstasy pill. Sometimes the pills aren’t actually ecstasy, it’s like 50% speed and 50% heroin. So if you only take half, you might accidentally take JUST the speed or JUST the heroin half, which makes it way more dangerous.”
3. I was once making small talk with an acquaintance, and I told her I’d flown out to visit my family in Korea over the summer. She got this smug grin on her face and said, “You can’t fly to Korea. It’s an island.”
4. “Oh I didn’t know we had avocados” – my college roommate after he pulled a bag of zucchini out of the fridge.
5 When someone said their food was too hot, a friend said to put it in the microwave on defrost to cool it down.
6 “You should get off your tablet while its storming. Lighting can travel through the wifi and shock you!” -My mother.
7 Had a drunk guy come through the drive through at Taco bell & asked if we sell tacos.
I said “let me check.”
8 “Stephen Hawking is British? But he doesn’t have an accent.” ~ me, unfortunately.
9. I’ve been a cook for 15 years. One time a server asked me to rush a chicken breast she forgot to ring in. I said “ok, it will be a few minutes, it’s still a bit raw”. “Just give it to me, it’s fine” she says. I tell her I don’t feel like giving anyone salmonella poisoning today and she will have to wait.
Her jaw drops and her face turns red. She rather belligerently shouts just give it to her because shes losing tip money, then adds “besides, people don’t get salmonella from chicken, they get it from salmon. You’re a cook, you should know that by now.”
Every person in that room did the slow neck-turn of ‘wtf did I just hear’ and just stared at her.
10. In response: Dude, it’s not a joking matter. Chickenella poisoning is serious.
11. I don’t worry about the price of gas going up, I only ever put twenty dollars in at a time.
12. My mother last week while I was eating some Buffalo wings: “is it real buffalo?”
She also said to my dad “did you know the human eye can only see 26 miles? Because that’s how far away the horizon is!” my dad instantly came back with “I didn’t know the moon was 26 miles away!”… She was stunned.
13. A friend was totally confident he would be able to survive a plane crash because of his tuck and roll technique. He was 100% sober.
14. “I thought AIDS was caused when two men have sex and the sperm gets confused and doesn’t know where to go”
This was from an 18-year-old gay guy who had his wires so crossed he seriously thought all condomless gay sex would lead to AIDS. UK Sex Ed seriously failed him.
15. Mine’s a little more lighthearted.
“When someone is whistling, do you ever have the desire to stick a baby carrot in their mouth?”
Just for the record, I have never had that desire.
16. Years ago while working at a cafe a couple came up to me and asked if Saddam Hussein was Russian. The Iraq War had just begun so I snickered and said, “Of course not.” The boyfriend turned to his girlfriend with a smug, victorious look and said, “See? I told you he was German.”
17. Here in the UK we get a lot of American kid’s shows, especially big ones like Spongbob, Animaniacs, etc. These shows normally have a 4th of July special about the Declaration (and War) of Independence.
With that as the topic of conversation, this is genuinely a discussion I had with someone when we were 14.
Me: “The Simpsons made a joke about that during (episode about the 4th of July I forget the name of)”
Friend: “Yeah I watched that one. The British sound like dicks”
Me: slow blink “Come again?”
Friend: “You know, the British. The guys they always talk about when they do that kinda specials. I bet we could take them.”
Me: “…, Daniel, what country do we live in?”
Friend: “England”
Cue very quick explanation of British geography, with Daniel refusing to believe he was British until he went home and asked his mum.
18. I used to work at Best Buy and I had a customer (lady in her 30s) come in with her plasma television on the flat cart. She says “I need the a plasma refill”. So I give the ole customer service fake laugh because I thought it had to be a joke, but the look on her face and pissed tone showed that she was serious.
I took her to the home theatre department and from a distance I can hear her going off about “plasma refill prices” or “shouldn’t the warranty cover the plasma?”
19. “You have roads in Spain?”
20. My girlfriend once said the clouds were behind the moon, she will also hit me when she sees this.
21. You cant get pregnant if the girl is on top because the sperm cant fight the extra gravity.
22. A drive-thru girl heard me speaking my language on the phone when I was waiting for my food and she kept saying it was cool that I was bilateral. I asked if she was referring to triangles or something but she said “No, bilateral like a person”.
23. I had a guy in a pub, completely adamant to the point of red faced anger, swearing on the bible that you can see New York from the Donegal coast on a good clear day. I was in tears laughing.
24. A class mate of mine was convinced that skin on skin contact caused skin cancer.
25. “Italy should sell the Eiffel Tower to help Greece’s debt”..he was serious too.
26. A woman stopped me in the grocery store when I was in my early teens to tell me that I could cure my acne by “rubbing vaginal juice all over it.”
I assure you, she was dead serious.
27. That the water in Finding Nemo looks realistic but is actually CGI. No sh*t Sherlock, the whole movie is.
28. We were in the car and an ambulance passed us with the lights on. My friend turned to me with a very serious look on her face and asked, “if you were a blind and deaf car driver, how would you know to pull over for an ambulance?”… This became my senior quote.
29. “Well, if you just work hard and put your mind to it, you’ll walk again!”
Because will power will repair the gap in my spinal cord… Thanks, restaurant host. I appreciate your high opinion of my will power.
