One of the pleasures that we have at our disposal is heading out of town and enjoying a few days at a hotel. People enjoy the experience for different reasons and, in some cases, they just want to have someone else take care of their surroundings while they are relaxing. That being said, we also appreciate having things just so, and when they are out of order, it can really rock our world. That is what you will see in this humorous exchange. Although it is just a joke, it is something that illustrates our need for order and it does it in a very funny way.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dove. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently, Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Irish Springs to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dove so I won’t need those 6 little Irish Springs which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. So the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dove was. I put the Dove in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don’t get back before 530 or 6PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dove is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dove. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who left 54 little bars of Irish Spring in my room?! I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Irish Spring. I want my one bar of bath-size Dove! Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dove. Please give me back my bath-size Dove.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Irish Springs which had been taken and the 3 Irish Springs you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously, your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Irish Springs plus the 3 daily Irish Springs. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dove. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
— On shelf under medicine cabinet – 18 Irish Spring in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
— On Kleenex dispenser – 11 Irish Spring in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
— On bedroom dresser – 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Irish Spring in 2 stacks of 4.
— Inside medicine cabinet – 14 Irish Spring in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
— In shower soap dish – 6 Irish Spring, very moist.
— On northeast corner of tub – 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
— On northwest corner of tub – 6 Irish Springs in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dove which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
