A long time ago, I read a book by a man named Daniel Goleman titled “Emotional Intelligence.” At the time, his science was revolutionary, but the phrase “emotional intelligence” has found its way into our vernacular. Now, most people know what it means to have high emotional intelligence. It has to do with getting along well with people, reacting appropriately, controlling our reactions, and most of all, practicing good anger management. The fact is, everyone who has ever lived has experienced anger or frustration. However, people who can appropriately express their anger and frustration have an edge over people who struggle with this. The problem with inappropriately handling our anger affects our relationships ranging from work to parenting to marriage. Worst of all is the damage that our words can do to the people we love and value. This story below illustrates perfectly one way you can help a child learn to have a higher emotional intelligence.
This is an inspirational story about a little girl who had trouble controlling her temper, but she not only learned how to control it, she also learned the meaning of friendship and how, sometimes, the things we say can actually hurt the people we love.
There once was a little girl who could not control her bad temper. So, her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails she hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally, the day came when the girl didn’t lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and her mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone.
The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, “You have done well, my girl, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in someone and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the scar will still be there.”
The little girl then understood how powerful her words were. The girl looked up at her mother and said: “I hope you can forgive me for the holes I put in you.”
“Of course I can,” said the mother, “I love you.”
