Most of us love a good joke. When they say laughter is the best medicine, I really believe that. I know that any time I’m feeling a little down, all I have to do is turn to a couple of my favorite funny YouTube prank videos and before I know it, I’m laughing like crazy. All of those delicious endorphins start flowing into my bloodstream and soon I’m good as new. However, I don’t always have time to watch a YouTube video, and you probably don’t, either. Also, it’s hard to share a YouTube video over the dinner table or with friends when you’re enjoying happy hour at the local pub. For this reason, it’s good to have a nice stash of hilarious one-liners. The list below has some of the best around. Some will make you laugh and some will make you groan (and then laugh). But either way, this is good stuff. Bookmark this site so that you can grab them when you need them the most. Enjoy these awesome short jokes!
1.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2.
Two whales are in a bar. One turns to the other and says, “OOOOAAAAHHHHOOOOHHHAAOO!”
The other whale turns to him and says, “Go home Steve, you’re drunk!”
3.
A ghost walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.”
4.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5.
Why can’t you tell a kleptomaniac a joke?
They always take things literally.
6.
I’ve taken up speed reading. I can read “War and Peace” in twenty seconds. It’s only three words but it’s a start.
7.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
8.
What did the cowboy say at the German auto show?
“Audi.”
9.
-WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?
-LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!
-WHEN DO WE WANT ‘EM?!?!?
-*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*
10.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
11.
Two cows are in a field, one says “mooooo!”, the other says “that’s what I was going to say.”
12.
Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?
Dunno, they’re just a bit shady.
13.
I went into a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is, I just want a goldfish.”
14.
What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize.
15.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
16.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
17.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
18.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
19.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
20.
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it…
